Forget about soft launching your next relationship, hard launch your career with these skills

The world of dating’s pretty exhausting, isn’t it? In the age of apps where you have to market yourself constantly to chase matches, it’s easy to sometimes think to yourself: what’s all this self-improvement nonsense for? While all those ‘candid’ photos of yourself doing ice baths, run clubs or pretending to have attractive hobbies might not be the path to true self-fulfilment, there’s a set of skills you can develop that are evergreen (and are far less painful than sitting in a tub of ice water).

What skills are we on about?

When we say there are skills we keep forever, we’re not talking about technical skills. While stuff like being able to operate your work’s point of sale system with your eyes closed, put together a formula in Excel or make a great flat white are cool, these are what we call technical skills, which are skills that are specific to a particular job or career. If we’re thinking about dating again (sorry), these are those little prompts and clever answers that we chop and change from time-to-time as our interests change. They’re valuable in their own way, but once we look below these skin-deep things, we really start to get to know someone.

That’s where our human skills live. Human skills (sometimes called soft skills, or enterprise skills) are skills that we can take with us and develop throughout our entire working lives, from job-to-job, and career to career. It’s less about the actual tasks we’re able to complete, and more about how we go about taking on challenges, projects, or maybe even your dating life – which is kind of a project when you think about it! And, knowing how to use and grow these skills is only becoming more and more important as tech and ways of working continue to evolve too.

With this in mind, let’s talk about some human skills that pay off in the world of romance just as much as they do in the world of work:

Communication

Are you surprised to see communication listed here? While you’re hopefully not sending the same kind of messages to your crush as you are to your co-workers, a lot of the same skills and rules apply. Communication is about being able to be understood and being able to understand others to achieve your goals. The trick to communication is that even though you’re trying to communicate your ideas, a lot of it is spending time thinking about who you’re communicating with and how you can get a good response out of them. Some people prefer direct, blunt communication, while others love a bit of small talk and a compliment sandwich. By thinking more deeply about how we talk with people, we can make sure we’re avoiding mixed messages at work and in our love lives.

Of course, the other side of the communication coin is being a great active listener. Practice slowing down that noggin of yours to really take in what people are saying without thinking about what to say next, eliminate distractions when having a chat, and show you’re listening by paraphrasing what they’re saying back to them without judgement.

Collaboration

The best relationships are the ones where you take on life’s challenges together as a team, helping each other to find solutions that work for both of you and maximise wellbeing and happiness. It almost feels a bit rude to compare that to the workplace, but the skills really do apply all the same.

Collaboration is all about give and take – understanding and comparing your strengths and opportunities with others to see what everyone can bring to the table. By being self-aware (not self-conscious), we can open ourselves to new ideas, experiences and solutions that we couldn’t see ourselves. We’re never right 100% of the time, and while our personal background and experiences are the things that make us special and unique, they leave ‘blind spots’ that mean that we can’t always immediately see the best solution. Bringing other people on board means you can combine your powers to come up with totally new approaches.

Some companies (especially high-performing tech companies) build their entire structures around lots of small, multi-skilled teams working collaboratively on important projects. There’s lots of communication, discussion, reflection and planning, so a strong collaborator is a great asset in those kinds of work environments.

Resilience and adaptability

We’re not going to get everything 100% right at work or in a relationship – in fact, we’d go as far as to be a little suspicious of anyone who never has a setback or two. The real value is in how you handle these setbacks, and what you do next; these skills are called resilience and adaptability. Resilience is the ability to make a comeback after a setback and adaptability is about responding positively to new and different circumstances.

When we’re thinking about resilience and adaptability in a relationship, maybe it’s about a planned anniversary date that didn’t pan out like you’d expected, and everyone’s feeling a little down about it. While it’s tempting to dig yourself deeper into that hole or feel like throwing in the towel, taking a beat, handling the temporary embarrassment and coming up with a new fun plan can transform a date that’s a bit of a flop into a fun time, like leaving the average restaurant early to go get an ice cream by the beach.

Our skills don’t stop there though – while it’s great to be able to think quickly on your feet to solve a problem, wisdom comes from having the self-reflection skills to figure out what to do next time. This process of trying new things, having successes and mistakes, and coming through the other side with new insights is a core part of what we call life-long, which is a skill that you can bring to virtually all aspects of your home and work life.

The big trap that people fall into is thinking that all these qualities are set in stone – but the truth is that human skills are just like any other skill – you can learn new approaches, practice them and refine them. Unlike any other skill however, you can take these skills with you to take on anything life has to throw at you, from school, to travel, or your first job Best of luck out there!